Dear Family and Friends,
Sometimes at the beginning of each year I pick a word to be my theme for the new year. One year was patience (that was a silly choice), one year was healing, and another was the word “whatever,” meaning that “whatever” came my way, I would take it in stride and give it to Jesus. While thinking about and praying over a few different words for 2014, I’ve come to rest peacefully on the word “surrender.”
I didn’t know that surrendering would begin so soon into the new year… I thought I would have at least a month or more before God asked me to surrender something to Him.
Of course, silly me.
Over the last two months, God has slowly been working in my heart to reveal certain aspects of me to me. Does that make sense? He has shown me that while I’ve learned a great deal being in Cambodia, and while I’ve grown a great deal, that there is still yet more learning and growing that needs to be done. I thought I was going crazy when I realized God was asking me to surrender my life to him in such a real and scary way, but the more I prayed and sought wisdom from my elders, the more I realized that surrendering was the best option.
When that dawned on me, I knew what I had to do.
Today I resigned from my position as private teacher and intern at Rapha House.
I didn’t walk in expecting to feel so much peace after I resigned, but I know now that this is exactly what God wants from me at this point in time. It is scary, and a little bit disappointing, and heartbreaking because I don’t want to leave Rapha House or Cambodia. But on January 19th, I will be catching a flight back to Orlando.
I want to reassure you that there is no ill-will, no immorality involved, no questions of integrity, or anything negative surrounding my decision to resign. It is simply this: God is asking me to surrender my life to Him, and this is the first step. There have been many tears, many conversations, many prayers whispered into the darkness as I tossed and turned in my bed trying to fall asleep, and still God is telling me the same thing: surrender.
I want to thank you all, so very much, for your support, both financial and emotional, over the past year and a half. I have been on such a crazy journey, from intern last summer to raising funds to move to Cambodia, to preparing to switch cultures, and now preparing to return home. None of this would have been possible without the help from all of you, and so many others; not without your prayers, your encouraging words, your hugs, or your generous donations.
For those of you who are committed to monthly support, please know that from this point on there is no need to continue sending money in under my name. I have been blessed enough – more than enough – and know that God has got me.
For those of you who have donated a one time gift, assuming I’ve used only half so far, please let me know how you would like the second half to be designated. Back to Rapha for wherever a need is? To another organization of your choice? For me to keep for any further mission endeavors the Lord leads me to?
Please let me know, and I will honor your wishes. It is, after all, your money which you have entrusted to me. I want to be honest with you, and I want to be mindful of how you have sacrificed to help get me here. Please send a reply email, or we can schedule a coffee get-together when I am back in the States.
Please — if you have any questions, feel free to ask. There is nothing to hide here.
Grace and peace,