I wrote this when I was up late one night praying and journaling. I had been spending quite some time whispering some desperate prayers and feeling quite withdrawn from the Lord because I could not hear Him (or rather, would not listen to Him). When I stopped whispering so much, I was finally able to hear His whispers of peace, calming, and strength. This piece is still going through the refining process, and I am not yet fully satisfied with it, but I felt as though this may be an appropriate time to share with you all.
i see you.
you who sits with your head heavy in your hands whispering secret prayers to the One who seems so secretive.
i see you broken-hearted and empty-handed and wondering if you will ever get it right.
i see you questioning your worth and your life as if you’re nothing but dust in the wind.
i know you.
do you think that because you’re not perfect at everything that you are automatically counted out?
sister, your heart beats, doesn’t it?
brother, there is breath filling up and emptying from your lungs right. this. moment.
listen to the words of the Son of Man and hear the tenderness in his voice: “look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. are you not much more valuable than they?” (matt6:2)
how small do you think you are?
how much must you hate yourself to think that He dislikes you even a little?
i’ll tell you, friend, there’s no better truth to calm a stormy heart than the red letters from the Calmer of the seas.
while you sit, head in hands, whispering desperate words,
He kneels beside, whispering right back.
“do not worry, my child.
you are worth so much more than the birds of the skies.
I’ll take care of you. I’ll clothe you with robes more beautiful than the lilies of the fields.”
“I couldn’t love you any more than I already do.”
“I am always here.
I’ve always been here.”
you there, with your head in hands.
i see you and i know you because i am you.
i am the one with the secrets and the desperation and the whispered prayers.
i am the one, head in hands, whispering to the One who seems so silent.
but He whispers back.
for every fear i speak, He speaks strength
for every guilt, grace
for every plead, understanding
for every uncertainty, assuredness
for every anger, peace
for every overwhelming word, calm
He whispers back.
so we lift our heads and we lift our hands and we maybe even lift ourselves up off of the ground.
and when you find yourself there again, whispering secret prayers to a God who seems so secretive, remember.
He whispers back.