There are days when I see myself like Peter.
I ask eagerly for the Lord to call me out of the safety of the boat.
Then I doubt and start sinking.
I claim I would never turn my back on my Lord.
Then I deny, deny, deny until the sun comes up.
I stand confused at the Christ kneeling to wash my feet.
Then beg him to wash all of me, perfectly clean.
These days, the ones where I am eager and earnest and begging, come quickly and before I know it I am floundering about in the stormy water as I begin to doubt and deny in my confusion.
I stand in the boat in the storm and I see Christ walking on the water and I call out “Jesus, tell me to come to you and I will! Tell me to walk on this water and I will!” And he calls me out like I ask him to, and I climb out and over the edge of the boat and walk boldly on tossing waters towards my King.
But then I notice that I’m walking on tossing waves, with storm clouds rolling overhead and sheets of rain coming down on me and I begin to sink in my fear. I start sinking and begin drowning and as I’m splashing and choking on the water that fills my lungs a hand reaches down and grabs me by the wrist. He pulls me up to stand and says, “Oh, you of little faith…”
I can feel the heavy hand holding me, the sadness in the words that fill my ears and as we climb back in the boat the storm calms and I stand there with him.
Oh, me of little faith. Why do I doubt? Why do I fear?
Oh, me of little faith.
The journey is tumultuous. It is hard, and it is me in a boat in the tossing storm with Christ walking towards me. I call out, time and again, asking him to call me to him. He does, and I go walking confidently, and then I look down and remember how small I am in this big storm. I start to sink, and he pulls me up and back into the boat again, and he says, “Oh, you of little faith. Why do you doubt?”
And I am Peter, huddled close to my Savior who washes my feet and washes me clean and holds me wholly together. I am Peter, doubting and denying and confused. I am Peter, eager and easily excitable and willing. I am Peter, begging for more opportunities and more chances to be like Him who calms the storms over lakes and the storms in my soul.