I am Peter

There are days when I see myself like Peter.


I ask eagerly for the Lord to call me out of the safety of the boat.

Then I doubt and start sinking.


I claim I would never turn my back on my Lord.

Then I deny, deny, deny until the sun comes up.


I stand confused at the Christ kneeling to wash my feet.

Then beg him to wash all of me, perfectly clean.


These days, the ones where I am eager and earnest and begging, come quickly and before I know it I am floundering about in the stormy water as I begin to doubt and deny in my confusion.

I stand in the boat in the storm and I see Christ walking on the water and I call out “Jesus, tell me to come to you and I will!  Tell me to walk on this water and I will!”  And he calls me out like I ask him to, and I climb out and over the edge of the boat and walk boldly on tossing waters towards my King.

But then I notice that I’m walking on tossing waves, with storm clouds rolling overhead and sheets of rain coming down on me and I begin to sink in my fear.  I start sinking and begin drowning and as I’m splashing and choking on the water that fills my lungs a hand reaches down and grabs me by the wrist.  He pulls me up to stand and says, “Oh, you of little faith…”

I can feel the heavy hand holding me, the sadness in the words that fill my ears and as we climb back in the boat the storm calms and I stand there with him.

Oh, me of little faith.  Why do I doubt?  Why do I fear?

Oh, me of little faith.

The journey is tumultuous.  It is hard, and it is me in a boat in the tossing storm with Christ walking towards me.  I call out, time and again, asking him to call me to him.  He does, and I go walking confidently, and then I look down and remember how small I am in this big storm.  I start to sink, and he pulls me up and back into the boat again, and he says, “Oh, you of little faith.  Why do you doubt?”

And I am Peter, huddled close to my Savior who washes my feet and washes me clean and holds me wholly together.  I am Peter, doubting and denying and confused.  I am Peter, eager and easily excitable and willing.  I am Peter, begging for more opportunities and more chances to be like Him who calms the storms over lakes and the storms in my soul.


One thought on “I am Peter

  1. Very well written and I totally relate to everything you said! 🙂 praying for you in these final days before your big move!!! Love you!


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