I’m sitting here staring at a pile of envelopes, letters, and not enough stamps. I have 166 days until I’m supposed to be leaving, and I’ve got a pile of letters yet to be sent out.
I pulled into the college parking lot this evening after being home for a few days and realized that FCC is starting to feel less and less like home. I didn’t get the same relieved feeling I normally get when I walk into my apartment.
It could be that my roommate just got married on Saturday and so she’s no longer living with me. And that our bedroom looks like she never left because half of her stuff is still here.
It could be that I’m just dreading the last couple of weeks of school before winter break. I am dreading that – it means projects and papers and homework.
Perhaps I’m just ready to be back in Oviedo and only going to school twice a week. I will be a very happy camper when I am home and around all of the people I’ve missed these past few months and years.
Still, FCC is losing its “home” feeling. But so is Oviedo, and I’m not so sure that’s as terrible as I think it sounds. They say that home is where the heart is, and as cheesy as that is, it must be true. While I know that no place on this earth is my true home, my heart still aches for certain places and people sometimes. I ache for the friends I’m leaving behind in Kissimmee, and for the ones I’ll leave behind in Oviedo come May. I ache for the friends I have in Missouri, Oklahoma, Iowa, Illinois, Georgia, Tennessee, and Pennsylvania. I ache for the family that I have scattered all over the US. I ache for the friends waiting for my arrival in Cambodia.
This is such an exciting time in my life. I’m on the verge of a major change, and I can feel things starting to tense and loosen. My concept of “home” has eased. I am tense with anticipation and excitement. It’s an odd place to be in, this middle. In the middle of my final year of school, in the middle of gathering supporters for Cambodia. Soon I will be in the middle of a plane, flying across the middle of the earth, landing on the other side of the world. Then I’ll be in the middle of trying to put down roots and keep myself flexible at the same time.
All I know for sure is that this is exactly where God wants me right now. I keep coming back to that feeling, and more so, that truth. It is exhilarating to finally know why there is breath in my lungs and why my heart continues to beat. It is refreshing and encouraging and delightful to have found my niche, finally.